Today I have a rare day off without being in agonizing pain.
So...I can do stuff. Well some stuff. There's still some limits, damn them. I really wanted to try and do some barre warmups but my knees are in no shape for that. I can't express how much this hurts. Both literally and figuratively.
I've decided then to do some coloring. I'm very much into coloring. Always have been, always will be. I think I'll start posting photos of them here when I finish some. I'm also going to clean up some of my room. This is something that I have not been able to do for months and months and it has been eating away at me. I love cleaning. I loving getting rid of things. That's what happens when you spend 21 years living with a serious hoarder.
I'm also writing. On here obviously but I'm beginning to feel the stirrings of a story in me. I actually came on here about ten minutes ago, decided I didn't feel like writing and then went onto my library's website and saw how many books and movies I have coming in and for some reason that inspired me to get on here and write. I've found some series I've really been able to enjoy lately which is something I've had trouble finding for awhile so I guess I'm just excited. So I ended up here to write about my plans for my day off. It's a beautiful day out, overcast, my favorite. I'd like to get out for a walk but I'm going to try really hard not to beat myself up if I don't.
Not sure what else to say. Thanks to whoever reads this. It does mean quite a lot to me which probably makes me pathetic but I like myself a decent amount so I don't care. Quinn is munching hay next to me and throwing her toys around when they get in her way. And I've got books to read (and apparently write) so I'm gonnna take off now.
Ta-ta.
Erin
Because I have some things(s) to say.
30.6.18
20.6.18
Pain, Pain, Go Away
Chronic pain and fibromyalgia are not fun things. Living off of pills is not a fun thing. Not being able to exercise on a regular basis or do the things I love is not a fun thing. Pain is not a fun thing.
It is difficult trying to explain this to people which is why I generally don't bother. I read once in a book about one of my pelvic conditions that they said it was best to go into a new doctor's office assuming that the worst pain they have experienced is getting there wisdom teeth out or giving birth. Both of these are things that last for a period of time and then go away (though of course, child birth can have lasting issues). When I do try to explain to someone what I am feeling I say it is like that head contraption in the first Saw movie. Pressure on my skull feeling like it will explode and being entirely unable to escape it because I don't have a boyfriend whose innards I can dig through to get a key to unlock myself. Oh, how I envy those folk.
But that really only covers migraines which I get almost everyday and are also not fun.
The last few days have sucked balls. It's been over eighty degrees which, for someone who is constantly inflamed and is prone to heatstroke, is way to fucking hot. I've had to work every single day which has made it better in that I get to be in air conditioning for 5 hours but worse because I have to travel in the heat. It's 11:17 in the morning and I'm already sweating.
Too hot.
I guess this is just a self pity post which is fine by me because I am waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to hard on myself and don't acknowledge my pain enough because, like I said, I don't know how o explain it or even where to start. I'm just in a lot of never ending pain that only my doctors can understand and it really fucking sucks. Sometimes I feel like I'd rather die than take another goddamn pill just to get through a day, something that will soon come true because I am losing my insurance and can't work enough to get it.
Everything just fucking sucks right now.
Like this badly written post.
Fuck.
Gotta go take a pill so I can go to work.
Ta-ta.
Erin
It is difficult trying to explain this to people which is why I generally don't bother. I read once in a book about one of my pelvic conditions that they said it was best to go into a new doctor's office assuming that the worst pain they have experienced is getting there wisdom teeth out or giving birth. Both of these are things that last for a period of time and then go away (though of course, child birth can have lasting issues). When I do try to explain to someone what I am feeling I say it is like that head contraption in the first Saw movie. Pressure on my skull feeling like it will explode and being entirely unable to escape it because I don't have a boyfriend whose innards I can dig through to get a key to unlock myself. Oh, how I envy those folk.
But that really only covers migraines which I get almost everyday and are also not fun.
The last few days have sucked balls. It's been over eighty degrees which, for someone who is constantly inflamed and is prone to heatstroke, is way to fucking hot. I've had to work every single day which has made it better in that I get to be in air conditioning for 5 hours but worse because I have to travel in the heat. It's 11:17 in the morning and I'm already sweating.
Too hot.
I guess this is just a self pity post which is fine by me because I am waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to hard on myself and don't acknowledge my pain enough because, like I said, I don't know how o explain it or even where to start. I'm just in a lot of never ending pain that only my doctors can understand and it really fucking sucks. Sometimes I feel like I'd rather die than take another goddamn pill just to get through a day, something that will soon come true because I am losing my insurance and can't work enough to get it.
Everything just fucking sucks right now.
Like this badly written post.
Fuck.
Gotta go take a pill so I can go to work.
Ta-ta.
Erin
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