A Rude Awakening

Today I Hate: Panic attacks. Why? T_T
Today I Love: Being able to go for walks again, tea, Gatorade, and being able to work on my comic once more. Why? Panic attacks.

  This morning I found myself scribbling away in my journal while on the toilet after a bout of ass-ripping diarrhea caused by one of the worst panic attacks I've had in a while. I've been really stressed and have been having mild attacks lately and while something happened this morning that I knew would turn my stomach I was not prepared for said ass-ripping and my body trembling so much I couldn't move among other fun things. Managed to eat some of breakfast but it was an attack worthy of an anti-anxiety which I took. Lunch went down better and I am thanking god for gatorade.

  Feeling better now but I think I speak for both myself and my hemorrhoids when I say fuck this shit.

Jumping Off of Bridges

Today I Hate: Most everything in my life.
Today I Love: The people I work with, who care about me (ironically).

  People don't change. They have the ability to but when given the choice they most likely will not or will become even shittier than they were before. That has been my experience. I desperately want to find people who want to be better, who inspire me, but this is very difficult when everyone is busy jumping off bridges because their friends are doing it.

  On a related note, I have a question that won't get out of my head:
   In not changing you have shown me that not only did you not care about me but that nothing I said to you mattered at all. My caring about you didn't matter.

  Does that mean we were never really friends?